I know I seem to spend my time letting things fall where they may, letting the house achieve a state of squalor and then cleaning it all up again, but I am still very pleased with the last two days.
Yesterday was a lazy day. Since I have this routine and want to do things every day, I am careful, especially after a weekend like this has been, to take a day now and then to just be a lazy slob. That said, my slobbishness only came to the fore after I had looked after the cat, washed every dirty pot and tried (and failed) to bake a supply of oat and rice breakfast bars. I let them overcook and they became bricks, but the batch I took a little too early were very edible, so I know now to leave them in for less time and not to try to melt brown sugar onto the top without a blowtorch or risking a saucepan.
Today was making up for a lack of earlier attention to my room. I always know I have been neglecting my main haven when I am reluctant to put out my posh embroidered bedspread in case it gets smelly or dirty.
I dragged myself out of bed promising myself I would do my 'ten things' daily list. The list is: feed the cat, water her tray of grass, brush the floors downstairs, wipe the kitchen (with implicit washing up beforehand), wipe the bathroom down, brush the loo, check the cat tray (with implicit leaving it empty), check the kitchen bin (and empty if full, or just wipe if not), mark Not Known At This Address for post and putting it in the red bag and change the hand towel in the bathroom for a fresh one. I usually get 6 out of 10 even on a lazy day.
Today my aim was to do all ten before I let myself watch more Scrubs. Somehow, in addition, I've put laundry on to wash and dry, tidied away some camera pieces into a bag, tidied all the rubbish in my room, sorted out, decluttered and wiped the bathroom stand, cleaned the bathroom floor, made my bed from scratch (old bedding is in the dryer right now), played madly with Moth who it turns out likes to kill dressing gown cord (I think it incites carrier bags into uprisings or something), emptied the bathroom bin, put clean clothes away (washed and dried at the weekend) and put out a joss stick (downstairs) and the oil burner (my room).
I've yet to get washed and dressed or sort out dinner for tonight, so my room is getting attention but I am not. I can feel a major migraine building. I woke up headachey, but it got better, and this is my first major migraine of the day, at 3pm after an 8am start. The pain's only at a 4, making doing things a drag but not badly, but I want to try, just for once, to head it off at the pass. If I had less migraine, I would do a little piece of sewing, but I don't, so I won't. It's enough that my floor is clear and my room smells good.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
Monday, 11 February 2008
In which the Rodent plants bulbs and plays the flute.
I don't know whether this is my fourth or fifth lesson. I'd practised, but I am just not getting those eight-count blasts of noise, so that is my homework. Bizarrely, I can't read notes right after the rest, at least not when migrainous. The rest turns into an extra line or even two, and it makes it difficult to read the note straight after, especially if it's a minim. The solution turns out to be pencilling in a vertical line after the break to halt the bleeding of one mark into another.
This problem solved, we played on and I turned out to be spectacularly inept at C. This, alas, I cannot blame on my migraines. Sometimes I just am bad at something. :0) I have to be able to produce C easily too. If it's for 8 counts, this will be a bonus. Alex aims for one note per lesson and I am falling behind. I am still enjoying it. The tunes I produce may not be exciting, but they're tunes and I am sight reading them.
Since it was a nice day, I finally planted the bulbs I bought just after the January New Year. Then I rested and ate before my friend arrived. She helped me with the DLA forms, which have long ago run past their deadline because I've had no one to help me with the forms. This need for help was starkly realised within a page or two - left alone, I would have given up. As it is, I need to find a dozen pieces of paper and I am not sure I can. One page where everything was a stark YES I need help was communication. To those reading this blog, this might seem odd, but it's true. I avoid letters, forms and telephones because they hurt. Without Pol to pay the bills, I'd be sunk.
In between this, I fed her on wild boar sausages, steamed broccoli (florets and thin slices from the stem), raw carrots cut into matchsticks and thin slices of celery in crescents, with ketjap manis in a tiny little shot glass as a dip bowl.
The headache started waxing at about the time I sat down with the forms, lunchtime, which is amazingly late in the day for me. Usually I've had at least one by the time I have been up a few hours. As it is, the same headache is now pounding away at my head six hours later, which is all par for the course. I took cocodamol when it hit. I resisted taking it again just now, but I think actually I should if I am convinced that many painkillers mean fewer migraines in the long run. I have just trained myself to put up with the pain.
This problem solved, we played on and I turned out to be spectacularly inept at C. This, alas, I cannot blame on my migraines. Sometimes I just am bad at something. :0) I have to be able to produce C easily too. If it's for 8 counts, this will be a bonus. Alex aims for one note per lesson and I am falling behind. I am still enjoying it. The tunes I produce may not be exciting, but they're tunes and I am sight reading them.
Since it was a nice day, I finally planted the bulbs I bought just after the January New Year. Then I rested and ate before my friend arrived. She helped me with the DLA forms, which have long ago run past their deadline because I've had no one to help me with the forms. This need for help was starkly realised within a page or two - left alone, I would have given up. As it is, I need to find a dozen pieces of paper and I am not sure I can. One page where everything was a stark YES I need help was communication. To those reading this blog, this might seem odd, but it's true. I avoid letters, forms and telephones because they hurt. Without Pol to pay the bills, I'd be sunk.
In between this, I fed her on wild boar sausages, steamed broccoli (florets and thin slices from the stem), raw carrots cut into matchsticks and thin slices of celery in crescents, with ketjap manis in a tiny little shot glass as a dip bowl.
The headache started waxing at about the time I sat down with the forms, lunchtime, which is amazingly late in the day for me. Usually I've had at least one by the time I have been up a few hours. As it is, the same headache is now pounding away at my head six hours later, which is all par for the course. I took cocodamol when it hit. I resisted taking it again just now, but I think actually I should if I am convinced that many painkillers mean fewer migraines in the long run. I have just trained myself to put up with the pain.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
In which the Rodent has a productive and not too painful day.
This morning has been quietly productive. Yesterday was very much a day of leaving things where they fall, which will very, very quickly reduce a house to squalor.
It's amazing how much more active I am every time I refill the house with fresh vegetables. I had a mild migraine all day, say about a 2 since it wasn't bothering me unless I rolled my eyes or shook my head. Towards the evening, I got snappy and miserable and kept rowing with Pol over stupid thing. I finally realised I was in pain at 7ish levels, so I've had cocodamol and I am less miserable and also less in pain.
Friday, 8 February 2008
In which the Rodent posts the letter of complaint and celebrates with suicidal leeks.
I went out and posted a letter of complaint after the unpleasantness with the court officer or whoever she was yesterday, with all the bells and whistles.
The weather's dry and quite warm. I did manage to get to the chemist to get a form for getting drugs delivered. I get so stressed out about trying to keep up with the beta blockers, if I can use this service, then I can keep regular with the drugs and also use my energy for other things. For example, I'd like to get Moth registered at a new vet, get my teeth seen to, various other things I've been putting off.
I had to fill in a form and the chemist was just closing for lunch, so I grabbed a sarnie at the local cafe - actually one of three local cafes! They lent me a pen, and I got the form done and posted, but it did leave me migrainous. Something about filling in forms sets them off and I think it's a combination of the leaning forward and the having to focus eyes and attention. The leaning forward problem would also explain why I can read a book in bed or in the bath but not when out of the house - being outside means sitting upright, which means looking down to read.
On then to the butcher, to get meat and veggies. I want to do veal burger on a bed of leeks and vichy carrots, which is just carrots split and cooked in slightly sugared water to give them a glaze. Courgettes, carrots, white turnips, some leeks which kept trying to commit suicide by leaping, so I got the butcher to decapitate them and save them the trouble. Mixed peppers, lemons, celery. A good sized leg of lamb for the weekend and some sausages. No sweet potatoes though. They seem to be out of season. The entire lot was £16 and it's basically enough food for most of a week.
While I was walking from the butcher, a piece of paper fell out of my pocket, but it didn't look like much and I thought it must be an old receipt, since I couldn't remember anything papery I had wanted to keep. Since I was sweating and trembling and it was small and not important, I let it go. It's only occurred to me now that it was probably the tracking number for the letter I sent. Bother. My brain just does not seem to connect things in real time - I am always working them out later on.
Back home, feeling sick enough to nearly lose the bacon and egg sarnie, and distinctly not enjoying life even a little, in fact completely miserable with pain, not even wanting to put the veg away. Putting veg into the drawer and seeing all the tempting ingredients usually makes me happy and full of recipe ideas. The complete lack of pleasure puts the pain at about a 7. I persuaded myself to take cocodamol, but I think I've missed my opportunity since my head is pounding merrily.
The weather's dry and quite warm. I did manage to get to the chemist to get a form for getting drugs delivered. I get so stressed out about trying to keep up with the beta blockers, if I can use this service, then I can keep regular with the drugs and also use my energy for other things. For example, I'd like to get Moth registered at a new vet, get my teeth seen to, various other things I've been putting off.
I had to fill in a form and the chemist was just closing for lunch, so I grabbed a sarnie at the local cafe - actually one of three local cafes! They lent me a pen, and I got the form done and posted, but it did leave me migrainous. Something about filling in forms sets them off and I think it's a combination of the leaning forward and the having to focus eyes and attention. The leaning forward problem would also explain why I can read a book in bed or in the bath but not when out of the house - being outside means sitting upright, which means looking down to read.
On then to the butcher, to get meat and veggies. I want to do veal burger on a bed of leeks and vichy carrots, which is just carrots split and cooked in slightly sugared water to give them a glaze. Courgettes, carrots, white turnips, some leeks which kept trying to commit suicide by leaping, so I got the butcher to decapitate them and save them the trouble. Mixed peppers, lemons, celery. A good sized leg of lamb for the weekend and some sausages. No sweet potatoes though. They seem to be out of season. The entire lot was £16 and it's basically enough food for most of a week.
While I was walking from the butcher, a piece of paper fell out of my pocket, but it didn't look like much and I thought it must be an old receipt, since I couldn't remember anything papery I had wanted to keep. Since I was sweating and trembling and it was small and not important, I let it go. It's only occurred to me now that it was probably the tracking number for the letter I sent. Bother. My brain just does not seem to connect things in real time - I am always working them out later on.
Back home, feeling sick enough to nearly lose the bacon and egg sarnie, and distinctly not enjoying life even a little, in fact completely miserable with pain, not even wanting to put the veg away. Putting veg into the drawer and seeing all the tempting ingredients usually makes me happy and full of recipe ideas. The complete lack of pleasure puts the pain at about a 7. I persuaded myself to take cocodamol, but I think I've missed my opportunity since my head is pounding merrily.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
In which the Rodent eats steamed buns and watches Reaper with friends.
Happy New Year for Friday, to those it affects.
I woke up and came downstairs as usual, but Pol came back from work just as I was waking up. I hadn't realised just how much I needed that first groggy hour of watching inane drivel on telly. As a result, I ended up on edge and snappy while he was trying to unwrap his new purchases.
Pol unpacked various things and when Rob, Angela and Claire came round, Rob helped him take it up. He gave me a box of good acrylic paints, shiny! Very shiny when some of them are Windsor and Newton. Big tubes, too. These will get used. Painting is very hard for me to do now, since my head has to be tilted forward and it takes a level of concentration and detailed vision in good light.
We talked about Chinese restaurants, about how irrational jealousy can make people very isolated, played Identify the Steamed Bun and flux and watched Reaper on E4 for buggy goodness.
Now I am tired and headachey and very, very happy. Being in pain didn't stop me having a good time. I do want drugs though, so I'll get some more after typing this up, making two doses of cocodamol for today. My pain level is at a nice, solid thumping 6, heading toward the 7 where I stop enjoying myself, and I want to be able to keep this sense of having had a good time. When it gets to 7, I literally can't enjoy anything, although I still function.
I woke up and came downstairs as usual, but Pol came back from work just as I was waking up. I hadn't realised just how much I needed that first groggy hour of watching inane drivel on telly. As a result, I ended up on edge and snappy while he was trying to unwrap his new purchases.
Pol unpacked various things and when Rob, Angela and Claire came round, Rob helped him take it up. He gave me a box of good acrylic paints, shiny! Very shiny when some of them are Windsor and Newton. Big tubes, too. These will get used. Painting is very hard for me to do now, since my head has to be tilted forward and it takes a level of concentration and detailed vision in good light.
We talked about Chinese restaurants, about how irrational jealousy can make people very isolated, played Identify the Steamed Bun and flux and watched Reaper on E4 for buggy goodness.
Now I am tired and headachey and very, very happy. Being in pain didn't stop me having a good time. I do want drugs though, so I'll get some more after typing this up, making two doses of cocodamol for today. My pain level is at a nice, solid thumping 6, heading toward the 7 where I stop enjoying myself, and I want to be able to keep this sense of having had a good time. When it gets to 7, I literally can't enjoy anything, although I still function.
Sunday, 3 February 2008
In which the Rodent has a lazy Sunday alone.
(Start Game Stuff)
The party now works as a team and Kevin keeps us all keyed up for the full ten hours or so we're there, which is not bad going. The party feels very settled now. I like the feeling that my cleric is valuable. I was trying spells with her I hadn't tried before, and buffing up other PCs, and it was all working. We got through a harrowing fight in time to not die, although we lost a horse, and then, having more or less shrugged off this near-death experience thinking a few drinks and a good night's sleep would solve it, our party wandered into a bureaucracy. Fill in form P235B to get a new horse... My cleric is pretty much incapacitated by the lawfulness of it all.
(End Game Stuff)
So, I rolled in at about 1am, with the painkillers worn off, having had a great game with good snacks. Apparently I left my keys in the front door, since someone had posted them back through the letter box when I woke up. Did I mention that I am not very with it when migrainous? Things like dropping things repeatedly and leaving the house insecure get me down.
Moth was very pleased to see me. After a while slumped on the sofa, I ended up running around after her, with her galloping about being Wildebeest, tail up. She loves the spare room being so open and empty, since it makes a great playground for her. I still have books to sort through and I will.
I didn't wake up at all until about 5pm or so. I was vaguely aware that Moth came and tried to rouse me at various points, but I just turned over and went straight back to sleep. It was wonderful.
So, the day after being exhausted, I set about my own routine of television and housework. I'm all washed and dressed. I have put laundry on and it's now drying. Pol's clean clothes have been put away. I've fed Moth, cleaned out the kitchen bin and replaced the bag, watered the cat grass (Moth has stopped throwing up since we got her cat grass), eaten sausages and green peas (yay vegetables!), wiped the kitchen and the bathroom, cleaned the loo, replaced the hand towel and taken the rubbish out of my room.
I've taken cocodamol, despite my pain levels only being five or six, because I want to go Outside and get more gas and electricity before they run out, and I am hurting enough that I am avoiding bending down or going out. It's not so much the pain that's always a problem, as the avoiding doing things because they'll hurt and make me throw up. If it was one migraine a week, fine, but I can't avoid everything forever. So, I've taken drugs. Yay drugs.
There's a move made to provide evening and weekend GP cover in Scotland which matters to me, because I want the same sort of provision down here. Pol really ought to be seeing a doctor for his low mood, but can't because he's working in Solihull and can't see a GP there, and they're all closed during the day. He can't apparently afford to take time off to get this all sorted out.
I get upset that Pol's apparently in a good job and is always acting as though we're only just scraping by. He snaps about money and working long hours, and yet he will buy a holiday in Sicily for us both without a second thought. I can't ever get him to tell me what's going on without first blustering, talking at me at length and then losing his temper when I don't immediately grasp things. I know he's obfuscating, but I can't work out how to sort out what is coming in (never enough) and what's going out (always too much) and how we can be too broke to do sensible things but have enough to splash out. Even seeing the bank statements doesn't clarify things.
I've put together a menu for the week, to see what vegetables I want to buy from the butcher. The winter menu is different to the summer menu, because I buy locally. It's nice.
The party now works as a team and Kevin keeps us all keyed up for the full ten hours or so we're there, which is not bad going. The party feels very settled now. I like the feeling that my cleric is valuable. I was trying spells with her I hadn't tried before, and buffing up other PCs, and it was all working. We got through a harrowing fight in time to not die, although we lost a horse, and then, having more or less shrugged off this near-death experience thinking a few drinks and a good night's sleep would solve it, our party wandered into a bureaucracy. Fill in form P235B to get a new horse... My cleric is pretty much incapacitated by the lawfulness of it all.
(End Game Stuff)
So, I rolled in at about 1am, with the painkillers worn off, having had a great game with good snacks. Apparently I left my keys in the front door, since someone had posted them back through the letter box when I woke up. Did I mention that I am not very with it when migrainous? Things like dropping things repeatedly and leaving the house insecure get me down.
Moth was very pleased to see me. After a while slumped on the sofa, I ended up running around after her, with her galloping about being Wildebeest, tail up. She loves the spare room being so open and empty, since it makes a great playground for her. I still have books to sort through and I will.
I didn't wake up at all until about 5pm or so. I was vaguely aware that Moth came and tried to rouse me at various points, but I just turned over and went straight back to sleep. It was wonderful.
So, the day after being exhausted, I set about my own routine of television and housework. I'm all washed and dressed. I have put laundry on and it's now drying. Pol's clean clothes have been put away. I've fed Moth, cleaned out the kitchen bin and replaced the bag, watered the cat grass (Moth has stopped throwing up since we got her cat grass), eaten sausages and green peas (yay vegetables!), wiped the kitchen and the bathroom, cleaned the loo, replaced the hand towel and taken the rubbish out of my room.
I've taken cocodamol, despite my pain levels only being five or six, because I want to go Outside and get more gas and electricity before they run out, and I am hurting enough that I am avoiding bending down or going out. It's not so much the pain that's always a problem, as the avoiding doing things because they'll hurt and make me throw up. If it was one migraine a week, fine, but I can't avoid everything forever. So, I've taken drugs. Yay drugs.
There's a move made to provide evening and weekend GP cover in Scotland which matters to me, because I want the same sort of provision down here. Pol really ought to be seeing a doctor for his low mood, but can't because he's working in Solihull and can't see a GP there, and they're all closed during the day. He can't apparently afford to take time off to get this all sorted out.
I get upset that Pol's apparently in a good job and is always acting as though we're only just scraping by. He snaps about money and working long hours, and yet he will buy a holiday in Sicily for us both without a second thought. I can't ever get him to tell me what's going on without first blustering, talking at me at length and then losing his temper when I don't immediately grasp things. I know he's obfuscating, but I can't work out how to sort out what is coming in (never enough) and what's going out (always too much) and how we can be too broke to do sensible things but have enough to splash out. Even seeing the bank statements doesn't clarify things.
I've put together a menu for the week, to see what vegetables I want to buy from the butcher. The winter menu is different to the summer menu, because I buy locally. It's nice.
Friday, 1 February 2008
In which the Rodent takes drugs.
So, I've gone back to just taking painkillers, mostly Happy Fun Cocodamol (i.e. the fizzy 8/500s) whenever I feel blech due to pain without worrying about taking too many or rebound headaches. This is working out to be about once or twice a day, generally in the evening.
The end result seems to be that my migraines are calming back down again. I no longer actively dread any task that will mean having to bend forward. I've seen to the cat tray two days in a row now. I did online shopping, which I haven't done for ages because I couldn't focus long enough to work through it all. If I take painkillers, I seem to be in less pain, even after the painkillers have worn off. Avoiding painkillers left me in a lot of pain and unable to function.
Now, how to articulate this for the pain clinic people...
Today's food is veal. Since it's possible now to get high-welfare veal raised in the UK in reasonable living conditions, I got some from Odaco. I made it into burgers, using wholemeal breadcrumbs made by folding past-its-best bread into a lump and grating it, about a third the volume of bread to meat, two eggs, a good-sized double-handful of veal and enough ketjap manis (a thick, sticky, sweetish soy sauce) to be able to taste the difference. It was nice, cooked until done in the Foreman grill. I had it with cajun sweetcorn fritters.
The end result seems to be that my migraines are calming back down again. I no longer actively dread any task that will mean having to bend forward. I've seen to the cat tray two days in a row now. I did online shopping, which I haven't done for ages because I couldn't focus long enough to work through it all. If I take painkillers, I seem to be in less pain, even after the painkillers have worn off. Avoiding painkillers left me in a lot of pain and unable to function.
Now, how to articulate this for the pain clinic people...
Today's food is veal. Since it's possible now to get high-welfare veal raised in the UK in reasonable living conditions, I got some from Odaco. I made it into burgers, using wholemeal breadcrumbs made by folding past-its-best bread into a lump and grating it, about a third the volume of bread to meat, two eggs, a good-sized double-handful of veal and enough ketjap manis (a thick, sticky, sweetish soy sauce) to be able to taste the difference. It was nice, cooked until done in the Foreman grill. I had it with cajun sweetcorn fritters.
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